Buckbee
BUCKBEE MEDICAL REPORT (March 2006)
Buckbee is in fine shape. He completed a routine physical examination in February in the backyard of his home and proved to be in excellent health. The test consisted of jumping on a mini-trampoline, bending over to pick up dropped objects—such as a pen, a paper clip, and a piece of waxed fruit—and getting in and out of a folding wooden chair. Buckbee was also asked to hang the wooden chair in the garage after the physical examination, and he was able to do so with very little difficulty. “Buckbee is more than able to continue his current level of work output,” said the medical team’s leader.
The report from the ophthalmologist is also positive. Both of Buckbee’s eyes are in working order. There are no signs or symptoms for debilitating eye conditions, such as glaucoma, cataracts, or macular degeneration. His current prescription has not changed. His oculus sinister remains at -3.5, and his oculus dextrus is at -3.0. He has the classic condition of reluctant pupils. No lazy eye was reported in Buckbee. The tear glands, we are relieved to report, are in excellent working order. The ophthalmologist promised us that they won’t break down from excessive wear. The pre-corneal tear film is in fine condition. The optometrist, when peering into Buckbee’s eye, says that he saw some sad memories, one of which was a blonde girl of about twenty-two swinging on a swing while wearing a fuzzy sweater. It is possible that the ophthalmologist made this up as a way to pander to his audience. Nonetheless, this statement of his should be embraced by the shareholders.
Buckbee’s psychological report reveals there is nothing to fear. Buckbee has phobias too many to mention, many of which are exploited in his work, and neuroses, some of which could, if prudent or necessary, be worked out, but at this point have been left “in.” After a thorough mental examination, Buckbee was again determined by the medical team to be sane.